Time

"Baby, what time is it?" "Daddy, it's time!" "Time, tide and trolley wait for no man."
There are lots of quotes about time (challenge to Emma-identify those quotes). Probably because I'm not the first person to want to stop, reverse or speed up time. But there really is no way to do it. At least I haven't found a way. You can't play back the good moments of your life or go backwards to spend time with people gone by. You can't speed things up and get to the good parts faster (like make it be Christmas morning, or time to leave work). And you can't put up a wall and make time stop moving. Which is what I want to do today. I know I should be grateful for the time I had at home, and I am. And I am glad to be going back to a new job instead of the same old, same old. But when I think of having to go back and start this new chapter in my life I feel the panic rising in my chest and I wish I could put up a physical wall to stop the passage of time. Like make a dam to keep time from flowing past. There certainly were days when I was at the end of my rope of sanity. Days when the crying wouldn't stop and I felt trapped by neverending cycle of diaper changes, feedings and spit up. But at least I was there with Paige when she started school and with Joshy as he started life. I've gotten used to this phase and as Ross once said "no one likes change." But change must come because otherwise we'd all be wearing animal skin and living in caves. I should be better at change by now. My life is utterly unrecognizable from how it was this time 10 years ago. So many people have come and gone, so many different changes in direction it's hard to believe I'm still the same person. And maybe I'm not. In fact I know I'm not. And what I know is that no matter how much I want (or don't want) the change, it will come anyway and I will have to deal with it. So I might as well just sit down and relax because the safety bar has snapped into place, the rollercoaster is already headed up the hill and if I keep standing up waving my arms to stop it I'm just going to get hurt. It will be much more enjoyable if I just go with it.